How Do I Tell My Autistic Child Their Best Friend Is Moving Away?
Your phone buzzes. It's a text from Marcus's mom: "Hey, wanted to let you know before the kids find out—we're moving to Colorado next month. David's job transfer came through."
Your stomach drops. You read it again. Colorado. Next month.
You look across the room at your son, carefully lining up his dinosaurs the exact way Marcus taught him last summer. Marcus—the only kid who waits for him at recess. The only friend who never makes him feel weird for needing the rules explained twice. The one person outside your family who makes his face light up like that.
And now you have to be the one to break his heart.
If you're staring at your phone right now, trying to figure out how to say words that will shatter your child's most important friendship, keep reading.
Understanding What's Happening
First, let's acknowledge what you're carrying: your own sadness about this change for your child, AND the weight of figuring out how to be the messenger. That's exhausting. The fact that you're thinking so carefully about how to share this news tells me everything about the kind of parent you are—one who truly sees their child and wants to protect their heart while still preparing them for reality.
Here's something important: you don't have to explain this perfectly. There's no script that will make this not hurt. What matters most is that your child hears it from you, in a calm moment, with time to process before the goodbye actually happens.
Grief over losing daily access to a friend is real grief. If your child is upset, that's not a sign you did something wrong—it's a sign the friendship mattered. You can hold space for that sadness while also helping them see that connection can continue in new ways.
Strategies That Often Help
Choose Your Timing Carefully
If your child is already stretched thin with seasonal activities or other transitions, consider finding a quiet, low-demand window—maybe a car ride or a calm evening at home—rather than adding this news to an already stimulating day. The goal is to create space for processing, not to pile on during peak overwhelm.
Keep the First Conversation Simple
Start with the essential facts in clear, concrete language: "I learned something that might feel sad. Your friend is going to be living in [location] after [timeframe]. That means they won't be at school or nearby anymore."
Then pause. Let your child lead.
Follow Their Processing Style
Some kids need concrete details immediately: "How far? Can we visit? Will they have the same phone number?" Others need to sit with the information before questions come. Both responses are valid. You don't have to have all the answers right away—you just have to be the safe person who tells them the truth with love.
Use Visual Supports
Consider creating simple visuals to make abstract concepts more concrete:
- Show where the new location is on a map
- Create a calendar that marks when video calls might happen
- Make a visual plan for staying connected (texts, letters, gaming together online)
Clarify Different Family Situations
If your child has reference points for other custody or living arrangements (cousins, classmates, etc.), they might try to map this situation onto what they already know. You can gently explain that families do this differently: "Some kids live mostly with one parent and visit the other. Every family figures out what works for them. It doesn't mean the friendship is over—it just means it will look different."
Acknowledge the Loss While Opening to Possibility
You can validate the sadness while also helping your child see that connection can continue in new ways. Both things can be true: this is a real loss, AND the friendship can adapt. You don't have to rush to the silver lining—sometimes sitting with the hard feelings comes first.
You're Not Alone
If you're navigating this challenge, you don't have to figure it out alone at 2 AM. AriaStar is here 24/7 at NeuroLink Bridge - no judgment, just support from someone who understands autism family life.
Looking for more support? Explore our free resources or meet AriaStar.